You. Glowering.

A poem

You of the permanent frown and furrowed brow. Wrinkling your forehead.

Mock mockery.

You walk into rooms defensive, the opportunity to be offended sure.

Crossed arms, wide stance. Making you even shorter.

I see you out of the corner of my eye. Already my anxiety is in full bloom, my hands wringing metaphorically in my mind.

I too stand in defense. But mine is for myself.

I need to be quick to appease you.

Your narrowed eyes and gruff attitude are now mine to deal with.

Your feelings my responsibility now.

Yet I can only guess at what it is that miffs you in this moment.

In moment to moment.

I see you so clearly now. In your green pullover sweater and jeans, beige carpenter boots.

I had no awareness, then, of what you were doing.

It took me another love, in another time beyond you, to learn it.

It took eggshell walking and panic attacking. Heart stopping and breath shallowing.

It took esteem shrinking and soul pretzeling.

Until my spirit/love/hope was depleted.

I understand this lesson.

The pushing, the blaming.

Foisted on me like the trash I was supposed to take out.

It was trash.

But it belonged to you. To him. To all of you who abandon themselves in others, so as not to be held responsible.

The shirkers.

I should've said then, what I now know about you all.

I should've said then, Find a way to love yourself so much. To release your shame.

You are good enough. You are deserving.

I wish you all would've learned this, before you knew me.

You wouldn't have felt the need, then, to crush my love for myself.

But you were jealous and petty.

You let ego rule.

Had you let go instead.

Oh what we could've been then.