Do You Say I Love You to Yourself?

Hold up, it's a valid question. Have you ever said, "I love you" to yourself? If not, you're not alone. It's not something most of us think about. In fact, it's only been recently that I've thought about it.

You probably say "I love you" often. To your partner, your family, your friends. So why not to yourself?

Think about the last time that someone you really love said those words to you in a meaningful way. How did it make you feel? Happy, uplifted, joyous? Saying I love you to ourselves can give us the same feelings, plus it reinforces the message that we do, in fact, love and care for ourselves. And why wouldn't we? After all, we are in a relationship with ourselves for our entire lives.

The first time I tried looking in the mirror and saying I love you, I felt awkward and self-conscious. And a flood of emotions came over me. There was relief, gratitude, and even a little sadness and grief. Because in that moment, I realized how little I thought and acknowledged myself in this way. Of course, I say I love you to my son and my family all the time, and even my close friends. But never giving myself that recognition. . .wow. It changed my perspective on how I treat myself.

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Why Should I Say I Love You To Myself?

Telling ourselves I love you shifts the way we look at ourselves. It reinforces the idea that we are worthy of love. It provides us comfort when we're going through tough times. It reminds us we are appreciated and cared for, if even just by us. And that's important. Because if we don't love ourselves, how do we expect others to?

We're hard on ourselves. We usually speak harshly to ourselves, especially when we make mistakes. We might call ourselves names or tell ourselves we're dumb, stupid, forgetful, lacking, etc. The list goes on. And we might not even be aware of this constant stream of negative self-talk. It's like a subconscious hum beneath the surface of our thoughts, always running, always reminding. Over time, this does a number to our self-esteem. If we're forever putting ourselves down, how are we cultivating self-confidence and self-trust? Saying I love you is a way to break up that adverse rhythm.

How to Practice Self-Love

Saying I love you to yourself is just one way to practice self-love. It's a quick and easy thing to make a habit. For example, maybe every morning and night you're brushing your teeth, you say I love you in the mirror. You could even put a sticky note on it to remind yourself.

And there are many other ways to practice self-love. I like saying "I love you" in particular, because it gives us pause, enables us to look into our own eyes, and show support for ourselves.

I give a lot to others, sometimes at my own expense. When I started to really learn and lean into loving myself, it changed things for me. I started understanding why boundaries are important, why, what and how to say no to things I didn't or couldn't do, and to create space to honor my own feelings and needs.

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Other ways we can demonstrate self-love include:

• Being kind and giving ourselves grace when we make mistakes

• Setting healthy personal boundaries (and upholding them!)

• Remember to keep your own needs/desires in the equation when making decisions with others (this doesn't always mean choosing only the thing that benefits you, but perhaps finding compromise so your needs are met)

• Show yourself empathy when you're having challenges

• Let go of arbitrary or unreasonable expectations of yourself

• Treat yourself like you would a dear friend (how do you talk to/show up for them?)

• Stop your stream of criticism when you recognize it

• Do things you enjoy and that support your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellness

• Demonstrate your own value to yourself by working on yourself to become the best version of you (this could look like setting and going after new goals or learning new life skills)

• Living in a way that reflects your own personal values and beliefs, versus feeling like you have to behave in certain ways to "fit in" with societal expectations or other people's standards

• Celebrate yourself! Find ways (even small ones) to acknowledge who you are and what you've accomplished

  
  

Why Should I Practice Self-Love?

Hopefully, you already feel like it's an important thing to do. But if you don't, here's some reasons why you should:

• It helps you accept yourself for who you are

• It's a way to nurture yourself, especially during challenging periods in your life

• It positively effects your relationships with others. As you start to show yourself kindness, grace and love, that extends outward to others you love.

• It can help improve your mental health, especially if you struggle with depression or anxiety.

• Studies show it may even benefit your physical health.

• Research also suggests that it helps put you in a state of mind that organically boosts healthy behavior, like exercising, eating well, and reducing stress.

And finally, remember: self-love isn't selfish. It's loving ourselves well enough to accept and support ourselves and others. Say I love you to yourself, and say it often!

Get my free Love & Accept Yourself Daily Reminders for a checklist of self-love practices.

Let me know in the comments: How do you practice self-love? What does it look like for you, and how does it make you feel?