Updated: Jul 29
The Universe (or God, Source, etc.) threw a rock at me. Not a small rock either. A gigantic jagged-edge heavy boulder straight on. That shit hurt.
When life tries to get you to pay attention to the wrong path you are going down but you don't listen, life basically says, "F this, I'm done playin'."
Ignoring my natural gifts and intuition, continually choosing fear over experiences, repeating unhealthy patterns in relationships and on and on -- I had chosen not to listen one too many times. And so I hit bottom. It was dark, frightening and sad. I could not see a way out, so I was willing to check out. Literally, I wanted out of this life. And that was the rock that split me open.
That rock opened me up to see all of the bs stories I told myself, all of the justifications I made for my bad decisions, and how little I truly valued myself or felt my own worth. So much of my life had revolved around what was easy for me, not pushing myself out of my comfort zone and not growing. I was depressed and hopeless. It was killing me. But the rock allowed me to come to a reckoning. To take a look at my life and what I was doing in all of its ugliness and lies. To be completely honest with who I really was and what I wanted.
Despite all of the immense pain, sadness, grief and despair that hit brought me, it also brought me to myself. And it's given me the opportunity to rebuild on a solid foundation, with authenticity and my values intact. So I have to say thank you for that hard, heavy granite. It broke everything in me that needed to be broken, so that I could start over.